A restful environment

People respond to atmosphere. A noisy, harsh atmosphere makes us hurried and tense. That’s why there are bright lights in supermarkets and candles in restaurants. You can create an atmosphere in your home, as well as within your child and within yourself. If you notice you are sick of loud noises, agitation, busyness, be sure to do something about it. To encourage restfulness and softness:

– Cut down stimuli. Turn TV and radio off. Use gentle music, or none. Close the curtains; light candles, if you wish.

– Have a glass of wine or cup of tea. Calming drinks for children include warm milk, Horlicks and chamomile tea.

– Have a slow bath together. After the bath, spend some time holding, talking gently or singing, with your child wrapped in a warm dressing gown.

Ciation, if not much of her time. The first year is tough but, gradually, you get her back. You will sometimes both feci that you are more like shift-workers than lovers. Build in little reminders that you have a romantic view of your partner, even though she feels like a prize milk cow.

Don’t be demanding — some men we know have left their marriages because they couldn’t handle the competition. At the same time, some women forget they have a partner who matters, too, as they fall head over heels into baby bliss. (Some mothers ‘hide’ behind their infant and comfort themselves with a baby’s love, rather than deal with the demands and complexities of nurturing their adult relationship. Both partners have to stay committed to feeding and caring for their relationship, so that it can thrive.) Remind her, pleasantly, that you are still there and you are the one who knows how to give, while babies mostly take.